Am I broken?
Written 2020, last edit 2022, preformed 2020
I can feel the cracks,
Not on my skin or in my heart or in my life
But in my soul
My spirit
I can feel the cracks, the pieces breaking apart
Falling away
Away to somewhere I can’t reach
Away to someone I don’t know
Away, and I don’t know how to get them back
I don’t know how to fix it
And the cracks keep growing
Branching out, blooming
Flowers with veins of poison
And fruits filled with pain
Blooming, growing
I can’t rid myself of it
Infecting every thought
Dripping out, seeping into my life
Exterminating me,
As if I were the weed
As if I were the hurt, the bad, the broken
As if I were the broken, but perhaps I am
Perhaps I am the poisoned flower and the pained fruit
Perhaps I am,
seeping into my own skin
Taking over
Becoming
Feeling
Fighting
Freeing
I reach out, free
Finally, free
I reach out hoping to grab nothing
Touch nothing
Nothing but the wind, the breeze
The salty breeze carrying the scent of the sea
The sea with powerful waves
Waves that could drown cities without remorse
Waves that could bring empires to their knees
Waves that have
Waves, ready to bury me, drown me
I reach out, extending past my limit
Out, out of my body, away from the broken
Only to feel
At first just a drop
A single brush of water
Then another
Then another then another then another
Then many
The wave, ready to bury me
The wave, getting closer with every rumble
The wave, acting without mercy, without regret
The wave, the feeling, the broken, the cracks
I look up, just above the water, clear as if it weren’t there
As if there were peace
I am terrified, but it doesn’t fit
It doesn’t look right
So I smile
I laugh
I hug the wave as I drown
I smile, as water fills my lungs
I laugh, as the overpowering amount of feeling turns to numbness
And my eyes close softly
Finally I too, without remorse
Without regret, without mercy
I drift away
Perhaps to find my broken pieces
Perhaps finally to fix me
Not on my skin or in my heart or in my life
But in my soul
My spirit
I can feel the cracks, the pieces breaking apart
Falling away
Away to somewhere I can’t reach
Away to someone I don’t know
Away, and I don’t know how to get them back
I don’t know how to fix it
And the cracks keep growing
Branching out, blooming
Flowers with veins of poison
And fruits filled with pain
Blooming, growing
I can’t rid myself of it
Infecting every thought
Dripping out, seeping into my life
Exterminating me,
As if I were the weed
As if I were the hurt, the bad, the broken
As if I were the broken, but perhaps I am
Perhaps I am the poisoned flower and the pained fruit
Perhaps I am,
seeping into my own skin
Taking over
Becoming
Feeling
Fighting
Freeing
I reach out, free
Finally, free
I reach out hoping to grab nothing
Touch nothing
Nothing but the wind, the breeze
The salty breeze carrying the scent of the sea
The sea with powerful waves
Waves that could drown cities without remorse
Waves that could bring empires to their knees
Waves that have
Waves, ready to bury me, drown me
I reach out, extending past my limit
Out, out of my body, away from the broken
Only to feel
At first just a drop
A single brush of water
Then another
Then another then another then another
Then many
The wave, ready to bury me
The wave, getting closer with every rumble
The wave, acting without mercy, without regret
The wave, the feeling, the broken, the cracks
I look up, just above the water, clear as if it weren’t there
As if there were peace
I am terrified, but it doesn’t fit
It doesn’t look right
So I smile
I laugh
I hug the wave as I drown
I smile, as water fills my lungs
I laugh, as the overpowering amount of feeling turns to numbness
And my eyes close softly
Finally I too, without remorse
Without regret, without mercy
I drift away
Perhaps to find my broken pieces
Perhaps finally to fix me